The FROBIN story

When I was 6 years old, I developed this fascination with Brazil. I don't know why it happened, as I had never been to the country, knew nothing about its culture, and had no Brazilian friends. My mother had taken me to a toy store to buy a doll from an International Doll collection. I immediately told her that I had to have the doll from Brazil. Of course, as a Jewish mother, she tried to convince me to the get the doll from Israel, but I held steadfast. I just HAD to have the Brazilian girl.

A few years later, I was given an assignment in school to do a research project on any country in the world. Of course, I chose Brazil. I can still remember drawing the outline of the country on the green construction paper and hoping that someday I could visit the Amazon. "What is it about Brazil?" she would ask me. And I had no answer except, "Mom, I don't know but I think it must be amazing there." I would trace the mountain ridges on my 3D globe, wondering what the beaches of Rio must be like, and how many animals were in the rainforest.

So when I told her I was going to visit Rio in October 2007, she told me, "well it's ABOUT TIME!" I laughed at her when she told me that she was sure I would come home with a love interest. But then I met Fred...

So now, 15 months later, I finally understand why I fell in love with the country: it's called "beshert." This is a word that every Jewish mother and grandmother knows, and it literally translates to "destiny." In modern day Jewish Grandma Talk, it speaks of your soulmate and the person that you were meant to be with. Falling in love with your childhood friend after reuniting 20 years later is beshert. Missing the plane and meeting your future wife while getting loaded at the airport bar is beshert. And developing a premature obsession with a country for no apparent reason and then finding your husband there is beshert.

If you've read my earlier posts, you know how Fred and I met and how we were brought closer by his near death experience. So when I moved out here, we knew we already had a strong bond that withstood the test of trauma and seemingly endless separation. But were we ready to not only live in the same country, but in the same house??

It wasn't always easy, as we were really getting to know one another VERY well VERY quickly. He hates that I forget to turn the lights off when I leave the room. It drives me crazy when his dirty socks are RIGHT NEXT to the hamper instead of in it. But over time, we have learned how to live together, how to deal with each others' moods, and when to leave the other one alone!

Before I moved to Rio, Fred asked me (over video camera on skype) if I would marry him. I laughed and said, "honey, I think you need to see if you can live with me first!" But when we decided to file the paperwork in November for our fiance visa, we thought, "well, I guess this means we're really engaged now!"

But for me, the official engagement only really happened when Fred asked my father for permission for my hand. My parents were visiting and I decided to cook a quiche (yes, I actually cook now...sort of). They came over for dinner and while we were raising our glasses for a wine toast, Fred turned to my father and said, "I really love Robin and I want to ask your permission to marry her." We had discussed previously that this was a nice tradition that some chivalrous men partake in in the US, but I didn't expect him to do it with me sitting in the room. Dad said yes, and of course, my mother and me cried!!

So now we wait...the Visa Waiting Game. There are many steps that one has to go through to finally bring his or her fiance to the US, and I'm sure you can imagine that nobody lights a fire under the government workers' asses to move quickly. We are hopeful that the first (and longest) step of the process will be completed by mid May, and then Fred can finally join me in NYC in early to mid summer. And once he is with me there, THEN the real celebrating can begin and we can toast our engagement properly!

So that's how it goes...not a "down on one knee with a huge rock and a big surprise proposal," but one that has been known between 2 people for many months and had the most important components. There's no giant rock on my finger, no big celebration at a bar with a huge group, and no talks of wedding locations and bridesmaid dresses yet. That will come later...right now, it's just 2 people very happy to have found one another and eager to begin a life together. It's beshert.